LC did it so I will too. 2 and a half weeks ago we were at a Valentines dinner and dance with some couples from our church and these are a couple of jokes told around our table.
A pastor went to visit an elderly lady from his congregation. She was once the church organist but was now retired. He came to her home and she led him into the parlor then went into the kitchen to make tea.
As he was sitting, looking around the room, he saw what looked like a condom floating in a fishbowl on top of the lady's organ. He walked over to confirm what he thought he saw and sure enough, that's what it was.
When the lady came in with the tea he couldn't help but ask what it was. She said she found it in a package lying on the road when she was out walking. She read the instructions and followed them:
- keep moist
- place on organ
- prevents disease.
She said that since she had it there she hasn't been sick one day.
A young pastor was to preach his first sermon in his first church after ordination. He was very nervous and the senior pastor noticed. The senior pastor told him to try to relax and let him in on a secret. The glass of water he keeps in the pulpit is really vodka. Whenever he's feeling a bit nervous he takes a sip to calm his nerves.
The time came and the young pastor went into the pulpit to preach, and was very nervous. He visited that "water" glass many times. After worship he asked the senior pastor how he did.
"Well, you weren't bad. But there were 12 apostles, not 10. There were 10 commandments, not 12. And David slew Goliath, he didn't beat the shit out of him."